Arranging a Marriage in India

                                                                                                  Serena Nanda1, USA
Summary in English

This story based on culture and anthropological notion tries to explore the cross-cultural differences between India and the USA regarding marriage system. As an American woman, at the very beginning, writer finds the custom of arrange marriage as oppressive in India. For her romantic love is important for a happy marriage. Nanda says that marriage in India is quite different from that in the United States. In the US, a girl or a boy looks for his/her life partner. Before the marriage, they introduce each other, know and love each other. But in India, responsibility of arranging a girl or boy for marriage is given to the family, basically to their parents. Anyway the writer prefers love marriage at the very beginning but she realizes that arrange marriage is not oppressive but it is better at the end. The writer involves into different surveys, observation and research about marriage system in the cities and villagers of India. On her first visit to India, she meets many young men and women whose parents are in the process of getting them married. In many cases, bride and bridegroom do not meet each other. For the first time, she finds this custom of arranged marriage oppressive. She asks question to the young people how they feel about this practice. She also interacts with a number of India young girls. Most of the girl she meets favor arrange marriage. She is impressed by Sita's (Indian lady) remarks. Sita says that she had let her parents choose a boy for her. She even argues that meeting with a lot of different people do not sound like any fun at all. She evokes that her parents would never arrange a marriage without knowing all about the boy's family background. As Nanda comes to India second time, she finds that most of the India couples with arranged marriages seem happy. She also notices that no one would want their daughter to marry into a family that is not good. Indian girls knowing their husbands after marriages would have mystery and romance. However, she finds that the American couples with love marriages are in the process of divorce. Therefore, the writer sees the positive aspects of arranged marriage. Nanda is found of taking part in matchmaking process in Bombay. But matches would be arranged only within the same caste, or sometimes sub-castes and economic class. The family reputation and their capacity to arrange marriage are very significant factors, too. Nanda observes her friend's family. The boy is well-educated. His mother is modest, soft spoken and religious. The boy has just left Air force and joined his father's business. So, the writer thinks that it is easy to get a girl for him. However, his mother is worried for her son. First, they try to arrange his marriage from the relation with the writer's friend's social club, a family having five daughters; they offer him to get married with any one of them. But this family they would be unable to give proper wedding. Another offer also comes but it is rejected since girl is educated but too frank. The third candidate, the daughter of Client is also rejected because she is short, fat and uses glasses. Finally, the family decides to postpone his marriage. Two years later, Nanda comes to India again. The boy is still unmarried having the age of 30. But the writer meets a girl's father where his daughter is educated and home loving, who has completed graduation is fashion design. Finally, there is the marriage between her friend's son and daughter. So, Nanda is delighted when she receives an invitation for a wedding. As a result, the writer becomes success in matchmaking between her friend's son and friend's daughter.